The Lost Art of Listening

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. — James 1:19

Over the years, listening has become increasingly difficult. Everyone seems to be in a rush to say what they want to say rather than truly listening to others. Last month, for Grow Girl Collective, we had a tea party to learn about active listening. I believe that if everyone took the time to be slow to speak and quick to listen, as James said, the world would be full of more outwardly focused relationships.

What is Active Listening

-Listening is more than hearing

•Active Listening• Making a conscious effort to hear and understand someone else. Committing our full attention to the speaker and establishing an environment of trust (Carnegie Mellon University, 2024).

-Listen to learn about the speaker, not to move on and talk about yourself. We must listen with humility.

-So often conversation happens where hear what the speaker says just to have the focus back on ourselves for what we desire to speak about. Instead, we should try listening solely to learn about the other person.

Body Language of Active Listeners

•Now, it is easy for me to tell you we should be active listeners, but how do we actually put that into practive in our day-to-day conversation? Here are a few practical tips for active listening.

-Eye-Contact: Listeners hold eye-contact around 70% of the time, and speakers

hold eye-contact around 50%.

-Keep an open posture: legs uncrossed, lean forward a bit, and keep your arms

uncrossed and resting comfortably.

-Use your head: Nodding your head in agreement with the speaker, and tilting your

head shows interest.

-Smile! Smiling before the conversation, during, and after shows that you are

approachable and can make speakers feel more comfortable.

Don'ts of Conversations

DON’T interrupt the speaker

-Wait until the speaker is done talking before you jump in or change the subject with your comment.

DON’T be on your phone while someone is speaking

-This goes for any type of multitasking (unless you're sharing a meal)

-The speaker deserves to feel like they are being heard.

DON’T get distracted by the environment

-If you are in a loud environment, hone in on eye contact to stay focused.

DON’T act uninterested

-Adjust your body language to truly appear like you are enjoying the conversation.

The 3 A's of Active Listening

The 3 A's of active listening is an easy format to remember when having conversations with people!

1. Attention: Listen to what the speaker is saying, and think of an open-ended follow-up question.

2. Attitude: Stay open and encouraging. Don’t jump to conclusions about the topic

3. Adjustment: Adjust your energy level to match the speaker (ex. If the speaker is talking about a serious topic, you should not be laughing).

Try implementing active listening in your daily conversation and watch your connections grow!

Thank you for reading!

XOXO Grow Girl